I vividly remember the fear I felt, sitting on my kitchen floor one rainy Sunday toward the end of my senior year of high school. All of my friends had decided which colleges they were attending and having applied to around 13 schools myself, I was feeling lost. The deadline to make my decision was rapidly approaching and not knowing where I wanted to go or what I wanted to study created a dark looming stress cloud larger than the ones of the actual storm outside above me. The pressure was on. I had to pick the right school, because the right school would give me the best education, best chance to have a good career, the best new friends and mentors, and the best college experience which I so yearned for.
In addition to my fear of making those decisions, the reality that I would soon be moving away from home, away from my friends, my family I am so close with, and my town that raised me was beginning to set in. As an only child, the oldest of my cousins, and the first of my family who didn’t follow suit and attend the local commuter college, I had plenty of reasons to be anxious. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to venture out of state for school. I don’t remember when I made that decision, it seems living at home and going to college never was even an option in my mind. I wanted to explore some place new and make it my own. So I jumped – I found a school I wasn’t in love with, but felt good about, and it ended up being the greatest decision of my life. I wasn’t sure that I was making the right choice when I selected my university. That first year was tough and certainly wasn’t what I had expected it to be. But I grew and evolved and found myself fitting in there better than I ever had at home. A small college town I had once thought simple and strange became the place I gained my independence and started the journey to discover who I am. It became the place where I met friends who's souls matched my own and where I found mentors and professors who contributed to my confidence in my abilities. It's where I discovered that with the right attitude even the most unlikely places can be your place if you choose to make it so and those anxious thoughts from years before seemed like a distant memory.
But now, five years later my time there is done and I am finding myself experiencing those exact same feelings I felt on the kitchen floor all over again. But this time instead of a school and a college town, I am searching for a career and a home. Having taken time to travel after graduation, many of my friends have already found jobs and moved into apartments. And once again I want to make sure I am picking the right location, the right profession, the right company, etc. Just as I had applied to 13 schools then, my interests are so vast now as well that these decisions are overwhelming and the questions flooding my mind are: Where will I be this time next year? What will I be doing then? Who will my roommate be? Who will my coworkers be? How far will I be from home?
It is when asking these very questions that I have another decision to make – I can choose to be afraid of the unknown, or I can choose to embrace it with excitement. The fact is our twenties are a time of uncertainty and adaptability. The better we are at adapting and maintaining a positive mindset, the better we will fare through. For those of us who crave stability, that time will come. But for now I choose to revel in the fact that all doors are open to me, and I have the greatest privilege to choose for myself what I want to do, where I want to go, and who I want to spend my time with. When I am trapped in that vicious circle of rumination and stress of what the future holds, it is remembering those simple facts that not only brings me back to a state of calm, but truly gets me excited and grateful for this life I live. So instead of summoning those feelings of fear, I'll focus on the high I felt when leaving my university, and buckle up for the next adventure.
